


#ache

by shamelessly_mkp



Category: Glee
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, Bondage, Dom/sub, Impact Play, Kink, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Praise Kink, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safeword Use, Subdrop, Subspace, casual play, pursuit/takedown/capture, the scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 16:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7113283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamelessly_mkp/pseuds/shamelessly_mkp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don’t even try with that one. There’s not a top alive who can shut up that smart mouth. Pretty enough but the biggest of brats, never lets go or gives in. You’d think he was a top himself, the way he bosses his play partners around, except - </p>
<p>He <i>wants</i> to be taken down a peg. He’s practically gagging for it, you can see the desperate desire to submit in the coiled tension of his body, the sharp challenge of his smirk. Look, see? Can’t hold still to save his life, all nervous  energy and need.</p>
<p>One of these days he’s going to run into a top he can’t run circles around. One of these days.</p>
<p>And won’t <i>that</i> be a sight to see?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> rating: R for sexual themes  
> kinks: impact play, various implements (specific list in ao3 end notes if you’re worried about triggers or just send me an ask on tumblr); bondage; pursuit, takedown, and capture  
> warnings: none (please let me know if you think there’s a warning I should include, for both this or any other fic!)
> 
> further notes: this story is set at a BDSM club, one that allows alcohol, so there's a bar, a couple of private rooms, couches, scattered dungeon equipment, etc. since it's a one-off, it became sort of complicated to try to completely describe the setting without ruining the flow of the story itself.

“That’s it, there you go.” The voice was low and soft, crooning into Sebastian’s ear, infuriating him into struggling anew. Like he was going to go down  _ that  _ easy. Fuck that.

 

He’d played with dozens of wannabe-tops before, drawn them in with vinegar and honey alike before chewing them up and spitting them out.  _ Don’t even try with that one, _ people said now, some with respect and some with scorn.  _ Pretty enough but the biggest of brats, never lets go or gives in. There’s not a top alive who can shut up that smart mouth. - _

“That’s fine, love, you go on and fight if you need to.” His top’s voice was infuriatingly calm, reassuring in a way that ought to feel condescending, ought to but somehow didn’t - Sebastian blamed the goddamn accent for that. There was something strangely soothing about the mild lilt to his words, a steadiness there that echoed the steady unyielding force holding Sebastian in place.

 

“We’ve got all the time in the world.”

 

He was so matter of fact about it, so calmly confident in his own success.

 

“Fuck you,” Sebastian forced out through gritted teeth, still fruitlessly trying to twist out of the man’s hold.

 

It was pointless, of course - even if he’d managed to slip free of the firm grip on his wrists, there was still the heavy press of the man’s whole body holding him against the wall.

 

Stupid, stupid,  _ stupid _ . Why had he suggested pursuit and take-down? Oh, it was one of his favorite games, to be sure - catch me if you can - but this guy wasn’t one of the usual pathetic middle-aged bastards who thought  _ they’d _ be the one to show him what a  _ real _ dom was like. No, he was young, Sebastian’s age - maybe a little older, hadn’t he said he was in his third year of school? - fit, taller than Sebastian, and heavier.

 

Stronger, too. Although the asshole had leverage on his side, the clever bastard. He’d used Sebastian’s own momentum against him to slam him against the closest wall.

 

“Is that really the way you want to play this, love?”

 

The asshole sounded almost disappointed, and Sebastian waited for the inevitable loosening of the man’s grip, the decision that this brat of a bottom wasn’t worth his time.

 

It didn’t come.

 

Sebastian didn’t understand.

 

“What, you getting bored of me already?” he asked, tone forcibly arch. “Ready to give up on me, babe? Told you you couldn’t handle this kind of action. Face it, honey, you’re out of your league. Doms like you, they’re a dime a dozen. I eat boys like you for breakfast.”

 

There was a sudden laugh, and Sebastian could feel a grin being pressed into his shoulder as the top ducked his head to muffle the sound.

 

The hell?

 

“ _ So where’s your salt and pepper now? _ ”

 

What.

 

“What -”

 

“Did you think you were the only person in the whole world to listen to Ida Maria?” The voice was amused.

 

Then it shifted, turned cajoling. “Come on, love, just let go for me. It’s okay, I promise. I’ve got you. You don’t need to be scared.”

 

“You think I’m fucking  _ scared _ ?” Sebastian was incredulous. 

 

“I know you are.” A soft kiss was pressed to the side of Sebastian’s head and the hands so firmly holding his wrists above his head squeezed tighter for just a moment, as though in reassurance. “You don’t have to be, though. I told you, didn’t I? Right from the start.”

 

***

 

_ Well, you need a keeper, don’t you,  _ the man had said with a raised eyebrow, having watched Sebastian eviscerate the sad pathetic bastard begging for a repeat performance.

 

“What-” Sebastian was too startled to even form a properly scathing response.

 

The blonde man set down his water on the bar with calm deliberation, tipping his head to the side consideringly.

 

“My name’s Adam. What’s yours, gorgeous?”

 

“Gorgeous? Really? That’s the best you can come up with?”

 

An amused smile played across the man’s face, but he said nothing, just kept looking at Sebastian with expectant calm.

 

“Sebastian,” he found himself saying without even meaning to.

 

The man -  _ Adam _ \- nodded. “Thank you for telling me.” 

 

He sounded sincere, but Sebastian could  _ see _ his satisfaction, the smug bastard.

 

“Pleased to make your acquaintance.” He paused, blatantly looking Sebastian up and down before smirking at him appreciatively. “Very pleased.” 

 

Well, Sebastian had to give credit where credit was due. Not many men could pull off that kind of line.

 

Two could play at that game, though.

 

And Sebastian?  _ Always  _ wins.

 

“And what’s a nice boy like you doing in a place like this?” He stepped in close, too close, pressing up into the other man’s space. “Want someone to show you what it’s like to misbehave?

 

“Or maybe you’re not a nice boy at all. Maybe you’re a dirty, dirty boy, looking for punishment.” Sebastian traced an idle design on the blonde’s chest, light and teasing. “Is that it? Have you been  _ bad _ ? Or maybe it’s the other way ‘round. Maybe you’re looking for someone to  _ defile _ . ” He paused for a moment, for effect. “Is that it, Adam? You want to get some pretty boy all dirty?” Then he leaned forward to murmur into the man’s ear. “Want to see them  _ cry _ ?”

 

He pulled back with a satisfied smirk, expecting to see the stranger rattled, turned on and overwhelmed.

 

Instead he got another amused considering look, and then a shock as the man slid off his barstool and moved forward into  _ Sebastian _ ’s space, crowding  _ him _ back toward the bar and caging him in. “Only if that’s what they want.” His voice was light and airy, but there was a strange seriousness in his eyes. “Is that what  _ you _ want, Sebastian? Want someone to make you hurt? Make you cry?” 

 

There was a pause as the man studied his face. “No, that’s not quite right, is it? You want someone to make you  _ take _ it.”

 

Sebastian couldn’t speak, mouth strangely dry, making him swallow and lick his lips. Ugh, he better not be getting dehydrated. He did  _ not _ want a hangover on top of bruises, thank you very much.

 

“That an offer?” He managed. “I should warn you, no one’s ever quite been up to snuff. Makes you lose faith in the whole  _ idea _ of tops.”

 

The man’s lips twitched, as though trying to hide a smile. “Oh, I think somehow I’ll muddle through.”

 

“Oh, so you think you can handle me, do you?” Sebastian forced himself to raise a sardonically skeptical eyebrow.  “What do you want to do with me? Shut up my smart mouth? I’m told I give a hell of a blowjob. Or did you want to try beating the brat out of me? Men have tried and failed, you know. I’m - what do you call it - incorrigible.”

 

“Oh,  _ really  _ now. I never would have guessed,” the man said, this time letting the amusement show.  He paused. “But no, that’s not what I want.”

 

“What  _ do _ you want?”

 

The man smiled. 

 

“To take care of you.”

  
  


***

  
  
  


“Are you just going to talk my ear off the whole time,” Sebastian drawled, refusing to answer, “Or are we ever actually going to get to the good part, because seriously if there isn’t some hurting me involved soon I’m going to have to safeword out of sheer boredom.” 

 

Adam laughed into his neck again. “I see how it is. Just using me for my toys, are you?”

 

“Well it’s not like you’ve got a whole lot else going for you,” Sebastian shot back snidely. He held his breath, waiting for a reaction. It wasn’t true - Adam clearly had technique on his side, if nothing else - but it  _ sounded _ good, was bitchy in a way that always pushed buttons.

 

Those were always the best scenes, the ones that came  _ closest _ to satisfying the goddamn ache inside him that had him coming back again and again.

 

How would Adam react?

 

“We’ll see.”

 

The man still sounded only amused. What the  _ fuck _ .

 

“You’re right, though,” he added in a thoughtful tone. Which - wait, what? “We aren’t getting anywhere like this.”

 

Before Sebastian quite knew what was happening, he was pulled back from the wall and slammed down on the nearest mat, forcefully enough that he choked on his own breath.

 

Adam straddled him and was binding his wrists together above his head, but Sebastian couldn’t fight it - he couldn’t even  _ breathe _ .

 

The other man seemed to notice, though, and rolled him onto his side, rubbing his back soothingly. “Got the wind knocked out of you, huh?”

 

He sounded sympathetic, the  _ asshole _ . “Your. Fault.” Sebastian managed to gasp.

 

“Guess you’ve got it back now, though,” the man said, and wrestled Sebastian to his feet.

 

There was a pommel horse free just a few feet away, and Adam made a beeline for it.

 

Still trying to catch his breath, Sebastian noticed the same toy bag they’d gone through earlier sitting slyly next to the horse. Mother _ fucker _ . He’d fucking planned this out, hadn’t he?

 

There were even ropes already attached to various holdpoints, ready to tie a recalcitrant sub down.

 

Sebastian was impressed in spite of himself. It seemed Adam had been  _ busy _ while Sebastian was in the ante room stowing away his street clothes.

 

It took no time at all before Sebastian was well and truly trapped. Bastard must have had experience with escape artists before, because he’d used some of the most slip-proof ties Sebastian had ever had the pleasure of being bound with. And on top of all that, he’d made damn sure Sebastian couldn’t reach a single goddamn knot. 

 

He couldn’t even shift enough to really change position at all, and was stuck exactly as Adam had arranged him: bent over the horse’s side, legs spread wide. He’d tied Sebastian’s hands down to the base of the horse, tightening the line enough that he was forced to stand on tiptoe.

 

Sebastian could only imagine what an inviting target he must be making, exposed and on display. What would Adam use to start with? His hand? That seemed like the kind of soft intimate thing the man would be into. Well, Sebastian wouldn’t bitch about that too much as long as they got to the  _ good _ toys at some point.

 

There was a whisper of cold metal against his hip, and Sebastian froze, forgetting even to breathe.  _ Red _ , he wanted to say,  _ red red red _ , they’d agreed no knifeplay, they’d  _ said  _ —

 

The touch vanished immediately. “Easy, easy. It’s okay.” A hand came into view, holding a pair of safety shears. “Not a knife, just scissors. I’m sorry, I should have warned you.”

 

Sebastian was still struggling to breathe, heart pounding with the sudden rush of adrenaline. Scissors. Of course. How did he  _ think _ the man was going to get him out of his underwear, now that he was tied like he was? He’d even specifically okayed the possible destruction of clothing.

 

“It’s okay,” the man said again, soothingly. “Do you want me to put them away?”

 

“S’fine,” Sebastian managed. “Get the fuck on with it, why don’t you.”

 

There was a long moment where it seemed like the man might argue, but then there was the weight of a heavy warm hand on his back, acting as counterpoint to the cold whisper of metal sliding underneath his briefs and the slither-shst of cutting cloth.

 

Sebastian took one shuddering breath, then another, pathetically grateful for the anchor the other man was providing. It was like the first few minutes of being held down all over again - the weight of the other man’s touch sinking into his bones, making the ache inside flare up even more fiercely, making him desperate for that  _ something _ he could never quite find, no matter how good the scenes were, no matter how much the top made him hurt.

 

It was comforting and terrifying and  _ disgusting _ , like he’d ever just  _ give in _ like that. He wasn’t some pathetic subby little twink who would drop at any damn top’s snap. They wanted him to go down, they’d have to  _ make  _ him. 

 

Otherwise, what was the goddamn  _ point _ ?

 

There was a sudden chill as with a sharp tug his clothing came free, fully exposing him at last.

 

Sebastian shivered a little (with  _ cold _ , thank you very much, not something ridiculous like  _ anticipation _ , are you serious?) as casually possessive hands skimmed over his ass and down the insides of his thighs, stroking at them with infuriating calm, as though he had a  _ right _ , as though Sebastian  _ belonged _ -

 

The touch vanished, and Sebastian vainly tried to look about, figure out what Adam was up to. So he was starting with a toy that required distance of some sort. A flogger, maybe? There’d been several in the bag. Odd choice, for a top this handsy --

 

*CRACK!*

 

Sebastian jerked against the ropes reflexively at the sudden loud crack of air inches from his ass. Whip, then. He’d okayed it as a possible implement, but he hadn’t really expected the man to use it - it hadn’t seemed his style.

 

There was another whistle of air and Sebastian flinched again at the second crack, this time on the other side of his body, body tensing and breath speeding up as adrenaline spiked.

 

Sebastian’s breath caught at the third crack, still hitting nothing but air. Was the man never going to connect?

 

There was a fourth, fifth,  _ sixth _ false alarm, and Sebastian’s heart was racing, unable to do anything but wait and wait and  _ wait _ —

 

CRACK!

 

A stinging line of fire lashed across the back of one thigh, making Sebastian inhale sharply with the shock of it. He tried to catch his breath, prepare for the next strike, but Adam didn’t give him the time.

 

CRACK-CRACK-CRACK- _ CRACK _ .

 

Sebastian couldn’t help but cry out at the last one, far harder than all the rest. The strikes lightened after that, stinging little nips that were more of a tease than anything else.

 

There was no pattern to the strikes, nothing for Sebastian to sink into. He was light-headed from the adrenaline and anticipation, each new hit a startling flicker of fire shocking the breath out of him.

 

The pause between strikes grew longer and longer, and just as Sebastian was beginning to squirm in frustration - this wasn’t  _ enough _ , damnit - they stopped entirely.

 

Sebastian breathed in, breathed out. He flexed his fingers, once, twice, three times, trying to get rid of the weird feeling bondage always caused.

 

Other hands came and cupped around his, rubbing and squeezing. “Circulation okay?”

 

“Like I wouldn’t have said something by now if it wasn’t,” Sebastian snapped, nettled. “Are you done playing games?  _ Some _ people would rather not have to wait all goddamn night just to get a satisfactory beating.”

 

There was a pause. “Let’s try that again,” Adam’s voice said calmly. “This time with less sass, please.”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me —”

 

The hands around his wrists squeezed warningly. “I have no problem untying you right now and ending the scene, if you’re not willing to answer a simple safety question.”

 

His voice was light, but there was an iron undertone to it that told Sebastian the man was dead serious. Who the fuck  _ was _ this guy? He wasn’t like any kind of top Sebastian had ever played with before.

 

“Now. How’s your circulation?”

 

“Fine,” Sebastian bit out, annoyed. For fuck’s sake, it was like the guy thought Sebastian was some newbie sub who didn’t know enough to kick up a fuss  _ before _ the nerve damage set in.

 

“Thank you.”

 

The man’s hands released Sebastian’s, the absence a startling chill. There was an affectionate rub to his back, and without thinking Sebastian arched into it, chasing the warmth of the man’s hand.

 

There was a chuckle, and more slow, deliberate circles rubbed on his back.  “See, behaving isn’t  _ so _ bad, is it?”

 

Sebastian was having trouble thinking clearly, but he still bristled at the amused condescension in the other man’s voice.

 

“If you’re trying to put me to  _ sleep _ , maybe,” Sebastian drawled in a weak approximation of bored disdain.

 

“Oh, I think this next bit will wake you back up.” (The bastard was laughing at him, Sebastian could tell.  _ Asshole _ .) “Left or Right?”

 

Sebastian’s brow furrowed, but before he could ask what the fuck the guy was talking about, he’d already elaborated. 

 

“Pick one.”

 

Ugh, he was doing one of those choose-your-own-destruction things. Fucking stupid mind games. As if he wouldn’t just pretend whichever one Sebastian picked was the one he’d planned to use all along. Sebastian knew how this shit worked.

 

Still, playing along was probably the fastest way to get shit moving again, so Sebastian threw out a direction at random.

 

“Cane it is, then,” the man said cheerfully.

 

There was a pause and a rustle, and then Sebastian felt goosebumps rise on the back of his legs as something smooth and hard ghosted over him, just barely brushing against the skin.

 

Sebastian waited breathlessly for the first strike - 

 

and waited -

 

and waited -

 

god, this fucking  _ asshole _ .

 

“Will you get the fuck  _ on  _ with it,” Sebastian started, body humming with frustrated anticipation.

 

He was cut off by the sharp  _ painful _ crack of the cane across his ass, making him yelp from shock.

 

The bastard laughed, damn him. And again before Sebastian could even manage to reorient himself, the cane cracked down in a sudden flurry of strikes.

 

He wasn’t playing around anymore. There were no teasing feints, no frustratingly long pauses - there was just a hand, heavy on Sebastian’s back, and endless stinging lines of fire being laid over his ass and thighs, brutal and relentless, never giving Sebastian a chance to truly catch his breath.

 

It  _ hurt _ , it hurt it hurt it  _ hurt _ , and they just kept coming, one after another, and Sebastian couldn’t take this, he couldn’t, it was too much and it wasn’t stopping, wasn’t slowing, and it hurt, it hurt so much, sharp stinging fire that ran through him and ignited in his cock -

 

he was hard, so hard, and the friction of rubbing against the horse wasn’t enough, couldn’t possibly be enough, but he couldn’t do anything else, needed  _ something _ to alleviate the ache -

 

and oh god, it wasn’t stopping, wasn’t stopping, Sebastian couldn’t take this, he  _ couldn’t _ , but he  _ was _ , he was he was he was -

 

“That’s it, love.”

 

The voice was soft and soothing.

 

“There you go. Cry it out.”

 

He  _ was _ crying, he hadn’t even realized, but there was wet heat on his face and every other breath was a hitched sob - and below that, there was a low constant keen in the air that Sebastian was horrified to realize was coming from  _ him _ , oh  _ god _ -

 

“See? You can be a good boy when you want to be.”

 

The top’s voice might have been smug, but it was approving, too, and Sebastian couldn’t help but latch on to that approval for all he was worth, desperate for anything that would make this relentless onslaught even the slightest bit more bearable. 

 

“Look at you, taking this so well.” 

 

The crooned words were warm with affectionate pride as the strikes finally - finally! - slowed and grew softer, settling into a light, easy rhythm that kept the fire burning at a steady bearable level.

 

Sebastian tried and tried to catch his breath, but kept choking on sobs instead, still helplessly grinding against the leather of the equipment.

 

Adam must have noticed, because the hand on his back slid down and pressed down harder, forcibly stilling Sebastian’s hips.

 

“None of that, love. That’s not what we’re here for, you know that.”

 

Sebastian did know that, he  _ did _ \- Adam had been very firm about only being willing to do  _ non _ -sexual play -

 

(“Not on the first date, anyway. I’m not that kind of boy.”

 

“‘Not on the  _ first _ date,’ you say, like there’s going to be another. This here’s a one night only kind of deal, babe - no encores, no repeat performances. I don’t  _ do _ them.”

 

“We’ll see.”)

 

\- but he couldn’t help it, he  _ needed _ it, needed  _ something  _ -

 

The cane’s pace had slowed further now, finally coming to a stop resting lightly on Sebastian’s ass, moving in easy circles. 

 

“I’m going to give you a few harder ones now.” Adam’s voice was calm and matter-of-fact.

 

“No - “ Sebastian’s voice was strange to his own ears, wet and foggy and despairing. “No -”  _ Harder? _ Harder than he’d been hitting before? Oh god, Sebastian was going to  _ die _ .

 

The top predictably ignored him. 

 

Less predictably, he paused. “Is that a ‘no’ or a ‘red,’ love?” 

  
He didn’t sound judgemental, but Sebastian bristled anyway at the implicit skepticism, humiliation and anger giving the strength to snarl out actual words in reply. “It’s a ‘do your fucking worst, asshole.’”


	2. Chapter 2

There was another pause. “As you wish,” the top said lightly, and Sebastian only had a few seconds to shriek wildly at himself in recrimination because what the fuck had he  _ done _ before the hand on his back turned as heavy and unyielding as iron and CRACK-CRACK- _ CRACK _ the cane came down, fast and furious and harder than anything Sebastian had ever taken in his  _ life _ , each blow burning and reverberating through him like they were going to break him apart.

 

They pulled from him a sharp, strangled cry - the high-pitched kind he’d always rolled his eyes at, disdainfully sure of their calculated affectation.

 

The cry faded into gasping sobs, Sebastian’s body shaking in his bonds.

 

Adam must have crouched down next to him, because the warm hand rubbing soothingly at his back was sweeping up and down the whole length of it, and the voice crooning ridiculously patronizing words of praise was much closer now.

 

“You took that so well,  _ so  _ well. We’re going to take a little break now, give you a chance to catch your breath. Just breathe for me, love, deep breaths - that’s right.”

 

Without consciously choosing to do so, Sebastian’s breath slowed and deepened to match the soothing rhythm of Adam’s words.

 

“Just like that, sweetheart, that’s exactly right.” The voice was warm and approving. “That’s my good boy.”

 

Just like that, the fuzzy calm Sebastian had been slipping into disappeared, the phrase an icy slap in the face. “Don’t, don’t call me that.” Sebastian’s voice was humiliatingly frantic and uneven, but anything else faded away into unimportance next to this one thing.

 

The hand on his back froze in surprise. “Don’t call you what?”

 

“I’m not yours, don’t call me that, don’t— ” Sebastian was begging now, on the verge of tears again.

 

“Okay. That’s okay,” Adam said quickly. “I won’t, I promise.” There was a pause. “Are the other pet names still okay?”  

 

Sebastian shrugged, trying to breathe despite the dizzying lightheadedness he’d been so suddenly thrust into.

 

”Sebastian?” The top’s voice was questioning. 

 

Sebastian couldn’t respond.

 

There was a steely undertone to Adam’s next words, making it clear that not answering this question wasn’t an option. “Give me a color, Sebastian. Red or green?” 

 

“i’m not yours” Sebastian managed to get out. “I’m not -”

 

There was a small sigh. “No, you’re not.” Adam’s voice was gentle.  “Do you want to stop?” 

 

Sebastian shook his head frantically. No, he didn’t want to  _ stop _ , he wanted - he wanted -

 

“I need a color, love. Red or green?”

 

“Green.” Sebastian’s voice cracked. “Green green green -”

 

“Okay,” Adam said soothingly, rubbing Sebastian’s back.  “Okay,” he said again, this time as if to himself. 

 

He seemed to come to some decision then, and the hand on Sebastian’s back disappeared for a minute, taking what seemed like all the warmth in the room with it. The world spun a little, and Sebastian heard himself whimper pathetically, but he couldn’t even care — everything stung and sparked and felt dizzyingly unreal.

 

Without the anchor of Adam’s hand, Sebastian clung desperately to the reassuring solidness of the horse beneath him, the rope tying him — pulling against the unyielding restraints just to  _ feel _ it, to feel it and know he was real —

 

“Sorry, love,” The top said apologetically with a brief rub to Sebastian’s back. “I’m right here, I promise. Not going anywhere. Just need to adjust your ties a little.” 

 

The loss of contact was again dizzying, but not as badly as before, not with Adam so close Sebastian could smell his sweat and aftershave, feel the warmth radiating off his body and the air disturbed by his movements. That was an anchor of its own sort, in a very different kind of way.

 

It didn’t make Sebastian feel any more real or make the world stop spinning into blurry vagueness, but it was reassuring nonetheless. This strange, weightless feeling — it was kind of nice, when not so terrifyingly alone.

 

It made Sebastian want to give in, to just let  _ go _ , whatever that would do. It was like he was clinging to a cliff face for all he was worth, wanting and wanting to just let himself go into freefall, but too terrified to take the jump, scared he’d get lost and never find his way back - and that was mixing metaphors, his lit professor would have taken off points, but whatever, Sebastian fucking hated that class anyway, so stupid, what the fuck was the point of that AP lit class back at Dalton if he still had to take two motherfucking surveys of british lit?

 

“Here we go.”

 

The ropes holding Sebastian’s arms in place suddenly slackened, and Sebastian automatically relaxed back into a more comfortable position, feet flat on the ground.

 

He hadn’t even realized until then how much his calves had ached with the strain.  Warm hands rubbed at them for a moment before withdrawing to fuss with the rope about Sebastian’s wrists again.

 

Sebastian vaguely expected Adam to just redo what he’d done before and tether Sebastian’s bound wrists to the base of the equipment, but instead Adam seemed to be untying Sebastian’s wrists entirely —  well, Sebastian supposed it was only to be expected, it wasn’t as though he hadn’t been pushing his luck the entire scene. So what if the fucker was giving up? That just meant Sebastian’d won.

 

It certainly wasn’t the reason Sebastian’s eyes were hot and aching, or why the quiet hum in his head had turned to a sickening buzz. Don’t be ridiculous. 

 

(It was just — Sebastian had thought, maybe just this once —)

 

“Just changing it up a little, love. Can you put your hands behind your back for me?”

 

Rattled, Sebastian did so, somewhat awkwardly. The new position somehow put him even more off balance than before, though logically that made no sense.

 

The top didn’t bother to bind his hands again, instead just holding Sebastian’s wrists together against the small of his back with one implacable hand.  Sebastian could feel the warmth of him all down his side, and he shuddered at the intimacy of it.

 

“Easy,” the top said again, voice falling into a soothing patter. “You’re alright. I’ve got you. You’re almost there now, aren’t you, love?”

 

Almost where? Sebastian didn’t understand.

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you there. I know what you need. It’s not just the hurting you’re after, is it, love?”

 

No, no it wasn’t. It was just all he ever got.

 

“No, you need someone to help you take the hurt, don’t you? Someone to make you always take just a little more than you thought you could.  All that pain, and it’s only worth it if someone makes you work for it.”

 

Yes. No. Maybe? Smooth leather brushed against Sebastian’s ass, shockingly cool against the heat of his skin.  It was distracting, teasing, and made Sebastian want to squirm with the flush of aching need it inspired.

 

“I’ve been making you work hard for it, I know. Harder than you’re used to, I think, but still not quite hard enough. You’ve been taking this so well for me, but you can take a little more, can’t you, love?”

 

No. Yes. Maybe? Sebastian made a pitifully needy sound in frustrated confusion.

 

“Yeah. Just a little more, I think.”

 

THWAP!

 

Sebastian inhaled sharply, body jerking at the unexpected strike. 

 

The hand on his back was as heavy as ever, however, as immovable and unyielding as iron, and so Sebastian barely moved at all.

 

There was a pleased hum from above him. “Thud’s good for you as well, I see.”

 

Sebastian was confused; of course he liked thud, he’d even said so during negotiation.  Hadn’t he?

 

Maybe Adam had forgot? He was about to ask when the belt? came down again, and then again.

 

And again.

 

The hits weren’t hard, not really, not like the cane’s strikes had been, but they were firm and steady, methodically covering every inch of Sebastian’s ass and a good portion of his upper thighs.

 

There was still a hint of a sting to each strike, a fiery buzz around the edges that kept arousal sparking through Sebastian’s nerves and fanning the desperate heat inside him, but it was the thud of it that Sebastian was feeling now, reverberating through him and leaving behind a bone-deep ache after every strike.

 

Adam had already set the surface of his skin on fire. Now he was set on slowly and methodically breaking all of Sebastian’s foundations down.

 

THWAP. THWAP. THWAP.

 

The hits were almost soothing in their steady rhythm, more forceful now, strong enough to rock Sebastian’s body forward a little with every hit, despite the restraining hand. Combined with the crooned praises Adam was so liberally giving out, it took on a sort of comforting feeling, like being rocked to sleep.

 

The heat of his arousal was still roaring inside of him, but it was muted now, oddly distant. He could hear Adam still speaking, voice rising and falling in a reassuring cadence, but the words were weird echoes of themselves and had no meaning.

 

He could still feel the thud of each blow and the accompanying sting, but these sensations too were strangely separate from him and the sound of his own heartbeat, from the feel of each shuddering breath.

 

There was a break in the rhythm, a pause, and Sebastian heard himself make a sound of wordless protest. It was a needy, desperate little whine, and Sebastian ought to have been embarrassed by it, knew that he should feel humiliated, exposed like this, but he didn’t, he didn’t - all that mattered was that he had been close, so close, and Adam had  _ stopped _ -

 

There was a soothing noise from above him, and WHUMP came something hard down onto his ass, impact dulled and diffused.

 

The blows fell back into the same steady rhythm as before, but oh, this was  _ better _ some how. There was no sting to distract him, no sharpness to the pain, and the molten heat of his arousal faded further into the background, unimportant.

 

All there was was the steady WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP of the blows and the THUMP THUMP THUMP of his own heart.

 

The hits barely even hurt anymore, just thuddily echoed through him with each hit. There was a weird texture to the paddle the top was using, a sort of cushioning force - what  _ is _ that?

 

“Hairbrush, love.”

 

Had he said that out loud?

 

“Yes, you did.” The top’s voice sounded amused, like he was trying to hold back a laugh, but the rhythm of the hits never faltered.

 

Hairbrush. Huh. He guessed he  _ had _ okayed it.

 

(“You have got to be kidding me.” 

 

“Not okay?” 

 

“You can use it, I guess, I just don’t understand  _ why _ , jesus fucking christ you’ve got a whole arsenal in that bag of yours, you need pervertables on top of that?”

 

“It’s got its own particular charms. You’ll see.”)

 

Sebastian guessed he did see. There was something about the thud of it, something about the impact being spread over all those plastic bristles - the hits went deeper somehow, past the surface and into his very bones. It was - it was -

 

The room had disappeared, faded to nothing but black. Or, no, Sebastian had shut his eyes. He could open them, he guessed, except he wasn’t sure that the room still existed and it seemed like too much effort anyhow.

 

It was better like this, anyway - in the dark it was almost like he was floating, world falling away beneath his feet; his only anchors the sticky leather beneath his chest, the impossibly heavy warmth of a hand on his back, and the constant thud-thud-thud of the brush.

 

“There you are,” he heard Adam say approvingly, from far away. “Just about there, aren’t you, love?”

 

Just about where? Sebastian didn’t understand. Of course he was there, where else would he be?

 

The pace slowed, brush lingering after each hit, teasingly tracing gentle circles against Sebastian’s ass.

 

“Time for the grand finale, I think.”

 

Grand. What? Sebastian felt his brow furrow in confusion, but didn’t really care enough to ask, not so long as Adam kept doing what he was doing.

 

The circles grew longer and longer, more soothing than teasing. “Here we go,” Sebastian heard Adam murmur, his only warning before the grip on his wrists tightened and the brush smacked down against his ass hard, making him yelp.

 

Adam had switched to the flat side of the brush, must have, because the thud of it was buried beneath a sharp stinging SMACK SMACK SMACK as he delivered a truly furious frenzy of blows, and Sebastian was crying and fighting and trying and trying to escape, this was worse than even the cane, and he couldn’t get away, he couldn’t, there was nowhere to  _ go _ -

 

All that existed was the bright stinging fire of pain, and Sebastian was melting, melting, he had to be, with this liquid heat all through him, and it was unbearable and too much and it had to stop,  _ had to _ , but it wasn’t stopping, it wasn’t, it  _ wasn’t - _

 

Time had stopped. The world had disappeared. Gravity was gone. The heavy weight of Adam’s hand on his back was the only thing keeping him from spinning dizzily out into nothingness, the only anchor in this strange echoing place. There was a strange sound in his ears, a horrible ragged sobbing in jagged counterpoint to the thrum of his heartbeat reverberating through his bones.

 

It was him, he was sobbing, why was he sobbing, why was he -

 

_ That’s it, love. You did so well, so well. _

 

Distantly Sebastian realized the hits had stopped, that the fiery sting of it all was fading into a sweeter deep ache, but he didn’t know when, he didn’t know, why didn’t he know -

 

He was on the ground now, on his knees leaning against the horse. (There was a vague memory of his legs buckling and giving out that flickered through his thoughts, a ghost sensation of the feeling of strong hands easing him down.) He was still sobbing, awful, wet sobs; he couldn’t stop.

 

He was dizzy, so dizzy, and so he unthinkingly followed the gentle tug the other man gave him, crawling into his lap and desperately clinging to the warm solidness of his embrace.

 

Adam smelled good, smelled reassuring, like man and sweat and safety all at once, and his neck was sticky-slick with sweat but Sebastian didn’t care, he buried his face in it anyway.

 

The man’s heartbeat was a little fast and his breathing a little heavy, but they were both steady and steadying, making Sebastian’s body automatically try to slow down and fall into its rhythm. He couldn’t, quite - he wasn’t sobbing anymore, not really, just taking in hitched gulps of air again and again, not quite able to stop.

 

_ There you go —   _

 

_ Such a good boy, you were so good for me —  _

 

_ You go ahead and rest now, I’ve got you — _

 

The soft words were as soothing and steadying as the rise and fall of the man’s chest against his, as warm and comforting as a lullaby. 

 

_ Oh, love. You needed this, didn’t you? More than I even realized —   _

 

_ That’s it, sweetheart, you just let go. It’s safe, I promise — _

 

_ You go ahead and float as long as you want. I’m not going anywhere — _

 

_ We’ve got all the time in the world. All the time in the world. _

 

Sebastian closed his eyes and let himself drift, sinking into a sweetly bone-deep heaviness the likes of which he had never known. The words faded away into unintelligible syllables, a gentle murmuring background noise that he could feel rumbling through Adam’s chest. Then even that faded away, and nothing was left but their heartbeats, their breaths, slowly beating in time.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Sebastian didn’t know how long they’d been sitting like that, when he gradually started to come back to awareness. It was the annoying itch of sweaty cotton that brought him back; Adam’s shirt, once warm and dry and comforting, was now damp and rasping against sticky sweat-slicked skin.

 

Once that annoyance had truly crept in, other discomforts began making themselves felt. His muscles were stiff and aching, his face swollen and sticky with dried tears. He was cold, so cold, despite the heat radiating from the man beneath him.

 

and jesus fucking  _ christ _ , his ass hurt.

 

There was a huff of laughter against his hair. “I bet.” Adam’s voice was sympathetic, but Sebastian could hear the undercurrent of amusement. “That was quite a beating you took.”

 

He almost sounded admiring, which. Sebastian didn’t understand, but he didn’t really get a chance to think about it.

 

Adam was readjusting them both now, probably trying to get a look at Sebastian’s face, that seemed like the kind of thing he’d want to do, but fuck no, he wasn’t going to give the man that kind of satisfaction.

 

He refused to move, kept his face buried stubbornly in Adam’s neck. There was a terrifyingly aching lump in his throat at the idea of seeing the inevitable smug smirk Adam was sure to be wearing. He’d done the impossible, after all; broken the unbreakable - of course he wanted to revel in his triumph. The only reason for him to have stuck around this long was to see the look on Sebastian’s face as he was forced to admit defeat.

 

Victory complete, there’d be no reason for him to stick around. It wasn’t like there’d be any point, now that he’d won.

 

And there was something about the thought of that, of Adam leaving him there all alone as carelessly as one might discard a used toy - something about the cold draft his absence would leave behind - something that ached deep inside, pathetic and desperate and begging for Sebastian to do something, anything to keep this feeling just a little bit longer. 

 

The hold around him loosened, one arm disappearing entirely as Adam started to pull away, making Sebastian tense up.

 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.” Something soft and warm was draped over Sebastian’s shoulders, wrapping tight around him and holding him firmly in Adam’s embrace. “Just wanted to get you warmed up a little.”

 

“M’fine,” Sebastian lied through his teeth, even as he burrowed deeper into the blanket. “Not cold at all.”

 

“Uh huh.” Adam sounded unconvinced. “And that’s why you’re shivering, then? Because you’re so very warm.”

 

Sebastian couldn’t think of a comeback for that, and so stayed quiet. Quiet was better, anyhow - it made everything softer, safer, closer to that strange perfect haze.

 

Adam’s body against his was solid and warm, the blanket tucked around him reassuringly secure. It was almost perfect; would have been, if it hadn’t been for -

 

“Off,” Sebastian muttered into Adam’s neck, petulantly tugging at Adam’s shirt.

 

“What are you—”

 

“ _ Itches _ . Take it off.”

 

If Sebastian was only going to get to keep this a little while longer, he was damn well going to make sure he milked it for all it was worth.

 

“Okay, okay, taking it off. Hold your horses.” 

 

Adam was pulling back now, and Sebastian frowned, clutching at him. He didn’t want to let go yet.

 

“Love, I just need a little space to take the shirt off. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

 

Oh. Sebastian guessed that made sense. Sheepishly he let the other man go.

 

True to his word, it was only a few moments before Adam was pulling him close again and oh, this was better, so much better - skin on skin and so very very warm. It was intimate, weirdly so, and so very unbelievably real, strangely sharp and vivid in a world gone soft and out of focus.

 

Adam’s heartbeat was still steady and strong against Sebastian’s chest, and one of Adam’s hands was rubbing slow circles on Sebastian’s back.

 

Sebastian let his eyes shut again and just let himself have this - whatever this was - for as long as he could get.

 

It wasn’t long - it couldn’t have been more than a minute or two later when Adam started nudging him. Sebastian tried to ignore him. If he didn’t respond, it was like it hadn’t happened, right?

 

Adam was undeterred, however. “I know, love, I know,” he soothed, reassuring although Sebastian didn’t even know what Adam was saying  _  I know _ about. “But I need you to drink some water.”

 

“Not thirsty.”

 

“Even so. Come on, gorgeous, just a few sips for me. That’s not that much, is it? Just a few sips and then we can go back to cuddling.”

 

They weren’t  _ cuddling _ . Sebastian didn’t  _ cuddle _ . 

 

“Just a few sips,” Adam repeated again, coaxingly, and reluctantly Sebastian let himself be pulled back into a looser embrace. Adam had an open water bottle in one hand and was now bringing it enticingly to Sebastian’s lips, making Sebastian screw up his face and turn away in protest.

 

“I can do it  _ myself _ .”

 

There was a laugh. “Fine, then. Just be careful. Don’t want to get water all over us, do we?”

 

Like Sebastian was going to spill a goddamn water bottle all down the two of them. He wasn’t  _ that _ out of it, thank you very much.

 

“The water, love?” Adam’s voice prompted. 

 

Oh. Right. 

 

Sebastian took an exaggerated sip, trying to look as put upon as possible. He wasn’t even  _ thirsty. _

 

The water hit his throat and suddenly Sebastian wasn’t so annoyed. The water was  _ delicious _ , how was it so delicious? Fresh and cold and perfect. He took another sip, and then another, gulping it down.

 

“Easy, love.” A hand covered Sebastian’s own, forcing him to take a break. “Don’t want to make yourself sick.”

 

Sebastian was pouting now, he knew he was, but he couldn’t help it. “ _ Thirsty _ ,” he complained.

 

Adam’s chest rumbled as he laughed. “Oh, really? And who was it who - only a few minutes ago -  was claiming so vehemently that they  _ weren’t _ thirsty?”

 

Sebastian frowned and tugged at the water bottle, trying to get it back.

 

“Fine, fine. Here you go, sulky.” The hold on Sebastian’s hand released, letting him drink once more. “Just not so fast this time.”

 

Sebastian nursed at the bottle slowly (because he  _ felt _ like it, okay, not because of - any other reason) as he tucked himself back up below Adam’s chin, bringing the blanket with him.

 

It was  _ comfortable _ there, so sue him.

 

Warm arms were holding him close again, pinning the blanket around him, and it was almost like being tucked in as a child - the soft heavy weight of the comforter holding him down. 

 

Sebastian found himself blinking, eyelids heavy. Maybe he’d just close his eyes for a little while. It was softer in the dark…

 

“I think I had better take that for right now, love.” There was a slight tug on the water bottle Sebastian had forgotten he was even holding - and oh, it had been slipping, hadn’t it. “You just let me know when you want some more.”

 

“mkay.” 

 

Sebastian drifted again - not quite drowsing, but not quite awake, either - in a state of both there and not-there. The world had faded away again, and the only thing left was the sweet ache of bruises and Adam, all around him, an inescapable force of gravity pulling him in.

 

There was the muffled sound of quiet conversation over his head, the soft whisper of a woman’s voice asking a question and  the low rumble of Adam’s reply.

 

The woman said something back, and whatever it was Adam seemed to agree, reply conciliatory.

 

Sebastian kept his eyes shut resolutely, refusing to let the interruption drag him out of this comforting haze.

 

He should have known it couldn’t last, but Adam’s gentle nudging was still jarring, and Sebastian made what should have been a humiliatingly petulant sound in protest. He wasn’t  _ done _ , damnit.

 

“I’m sorry, love, but we need to move.” Adam’s voice was strangely loud and clear, cutting through the soft cocoon of unreality surrounding them. “Got to give other folks their chance to play, yeah?”

 

Sebastian really could care less. Let the assholes find some other piece of equipment to play on.

 

“Club’s getting busy; the dungeon monitor asked us to move.”

 

Fucking dungeon monitor.

 

“Hey now, they’re just doing their job,” Adam chided. “They’re here to make sure everyone gets to have safe fun.”

 

Whatever.

 

“Come on, up you get. We’re not going far, just to that couch there in the corner. Do you think you can make it there by yourself?”

 

A surge of outrage got Sebastian up onto his feet, eyes blinking in a futile attempt to block out the stupidly bright overhead lights. Fucking of  _ course _ Sebastian could make it to a couch by himself, and fuck Adam for even  _ asking _ .

 

He pushed off of the top dismissively, aiming himself vaguely in the direction Adam had indicated. The man followed him, tensed like he was expecting Sebastian to collapse at any minute, the  _ asshole. _ Sebastian was just  _ fine _ .

 

He took a few quick steps, staggered, and suddenly felt the world spin around him. Oh.

 

Sebastian swayed, dizzy, and then abruptly sank down to the floor, which looked pretty comfortable, really, and was so much closer than any stupid couch.

 

Adam must’ve been expecting it, because he caught Sebastian halfway there, supporting almost the entirety of his body weight with apparent ease. He tried to act as a sort of crutch for Sebastian, but Sebastian was entirely over the entire idea of walking anywhere and refused to move. He just wanted to lie down, damnit.

 

He tried to sit down, but Adam wouldn’t let him.

 

“Leave me ‘lone,” Sebastian managed to get out, pushing away at the man ineffectually. “Floor’s nice. Comfy. I like the floor.”

 

“Couch is even comfier, I promise.”

 

“Too  _ far _ .” Sebastian was whining now, he knew he was, but he didn’t care, becoming a limp dead weight in Adam’s arms in an attempt to get the man to let him  _ go _ .

 

Adam didn’t let him go, the bastard. Instead he picked Sebastian up entirely, carrying him in his arms like Sebastian were some damsel in distress.

 

Sebastian was about to protest this treatment, but a few short strides later Adam was already setting him down gently on the couch, and it seemed pointless complaining at that point.

 

Besides, the couch really was comfier. Warmer, too, especially with the blanket Adam tucked in around him.

 

It wasn’t as good as being curled up in Adam’s arms, but it was probably for the best, anyways. This way Sebastian would have a chance to prepare himself for the inevitable abandonment. It wasn’t like Adam was going to stick around much longer; he’d already gone above and beyond in the name of aftercare, and he wasn’t even getting anything out of the deal.

 

Maybe Sebastian should offer to blow him again? Sure, the man had said no before, but Sebastian had  _ felt _ him, when he’d been ensconced in Adam’s lap - Sebastian’s crying (ugh, had he been crying,  _ really? _ ) had clearly gotten him going, just based on the physical evidence alone. And it wasn’t like it’d be a hardship or anything, the guy was attractive as all get out.

 

Either way, he probably ought to pull himself together and go get some clothes on. Adam was going to want his blanket back, after all.

 

Grudgingly, Sebastian forced himself to sit up, which,  _ ow _ . God _ damn _ , that hurt. He wrapped the blanket even tighter around himself - god, it was cold in here, had they turned off the goddamn heat or something? - tensed on the edge of the cushions, trying to psych himself up into going to get his clothes.

 

On three, he told himself firmly. On three you’re just going to get up and do it.

 

One.

 

Two.

 

_ Three _ .

 

Sebastian forced himself to his feet in one quick motion, not daring to hesitate lest he just keep putting it off. (He’d learned his lesson long ago with alarm clocks. Never hit snooze.)

 

For a moment, everything seemed fine, almost normal, even, except for the weirdly sharp brightness of the world, and then -

 

Sebastian sat down hard as his legs gave out from under him.  _ Fuck _ , that hurt.

 

“Hey, hey - what’s this about?” Adam was back, toy bag in tow. He was frowning. “Don’t try to get up just yet, love. Did you need something?”

 

Sebastian looked away, stinging heat pressing at the back of his eyes as he flushed with humiliation. God, what was  _ wrong _ with him? He’d never been this useless after a scene before, not even the times he’d ended up having to safeword the fuck out.

 

“Hey,” Adam said again, quieter, crouching down in front of him. There was a gentle touch to Sebastian’s leg. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” 

 

Sebastian wanted to punch the man. Maybe curse him out. Or cry.

 

Most of all, he wanted to burrow back into the comfort of Adam’s arms and that perfect, perfect feeling, and that wasn’t a goddamn option.

 

He heard the man blow out a long breath in front of him. “Oh, love. It’s been a long time for you, hasn’t it.” 

 

It didn’t sound like a question, just soft rueful certainty.   _ A long time for what? _

 

“Hey, look at me.”

 

Sebastian didn’t want to.

 

“Come on, love, just for a moment. It’s important.”

 

Fine, whatever. Sebastian forced himself to look Adam straight in the face, trying his best to keep his expression blank. He wasn’t going to give the bastard the satisfaction of seeing how much he’d fucked with him.

 

Adam didn’t look satisfied, though. He looked concerned. There was a wrinkle in his brow.

 

“You did so well, you know that, right?”

 

There was something intense and serious about his gaze, piercing through to Sebastian’s core in a way almost as frightening as his own inner turmoil.

 

“I need my clothes,” Sebastian said abruptly, ignoring the question. “I should go home.”

 

“No,” Adam said slowly, “I’m really not sure you should. Not just yet.”

 

“Fuck you,” Sebastian snapped, nettled. Where did that asshole get off, thinking he could tell Sebastian whether or not Sebastian should do something.

 

Adam made a frustrated sound and when he spoke, his voice was sharp. “Sebastian, your legs gave out under you not two minutes ago. It’s not safe for you to drive right now, and I wouldn’t put money on you being safe taking a cab, either. You’re not going anywhere until you’re safe to do so. This isn’t up for debate.”

 

He paused, and his voice gentled, turned imploring. “Please, love. Let me take care of you just a little while longer.”

 

Sebastian’s gaze flickered away from him and back again, trying to gauge the man’s sincerity. Was he really saying what Sebastian thought he was saying?

 

Did it matter?

 

“I want to go home,” Sebastian said, voice humiliatingly shaky and small.

 

“I know.” Adam’s voice was soothingly apologetic. “Soon, I promise. Just as soon as you’re safe to drive.”

 

There was a pause, then Adam asked, voice tentative: “Would it be okay if I joined you on the couch?”

 

After a moment of warring with himself, Sebastian let himself nod agreement. A smile flashed across Adam’s face.

 

Adam settled in beside him, the solid warmth of him at Sebastian’s side comforting.

 

Adam didn’t say anything else, but with some gentle nudges of encouragement Sebastian found himself settled back where he had started, in the comforting embrace of Adam’s arms. The tension in him melted as he felt the slightest bit of that strange soft sense of unreality steal over him again.

 

“That’s better,” He heard Adam murmur in satisfaction. “There we go.”

 

For the third time that evening, Sebastian shut his eyes and let himself drift.

 

***

 

He must have fallen asleep for real that time, because when Adam gently cajoled him back to awareness it was hours later. The club was practically empty - there were a few stragglers still packing up their toys, and of course staff, checking equipment and taking out trash, but no one else.

 

“Time to go, I’m afraid,” Adam said, still talking to Sebastian in the same gentle voice as before, as though anything else might spook him. Sebastian felt like he ought to have been annoyed by this, but he felt too good to care, boneless and calm. He remembered how upset and angry he’d been earlier, how all his emotions had seemed to be churning inside him like the sea in a storm, but he couldn’t really remember  _ why _ anymore. It all seemed kind of silly, thinking about it now.

 

“Where are your clothes, love?”

 

“Anteroom.” 

 

Sebastian could feel Adam biting back a laugh, and frowned, confused. What was so funny?

 

“ _ Where _ in the anteroom?” the man clarified. “I’m guessing yours aren’t the only clothes in there, even at this time of night.”

 

Oh. Well, now Sebastian felt like an idiot.

 

“Back left corner, second shelf.”

 

“Right then.” The man lifted Sebastian off of his lap and gently shifted him to the side. “Be right back.”

 

Sebastian watched Adam stride off purposefully, a little bemused. He’d never had a top act this, this,  _ solicitous _ before.

 

He’d seen tops treat other subs like this, a few, anyway, and he’d always kind of looked scornfully at the whole thing. Ridiculous. Infantilizing. And the subs just ate it up, basking in the attention like spoiled brats.

 

If any top ever treated  _ Sebastian _ like that, as though he was some sort of fragile, breakable thing - well, he’d always thought he would have laughed in the man’s damn face.

 

He’d never expected it to feel so - so - so _nice,_ so _flattering_. He didn’t feel condescended to — he felt _cared_ _for._ Like he might actually be wort— like Adam might _actually_ — like it had _meant_ some— but that was ridiculous.

 

Ridiculous or not, though, Sebastian … kind of liked it. He liked the idea of being  _ cared for _ , of being  _ important _ . It made him squirm inside in some kind of pleased embarrassment; made him flush with the giddy  _ daringness _ of the thing.

 

It was ridiculous, of course, and Sebastian ought not to let himself bask in such delusions, but — the night was almost over now, anyway. Why not let himself have this one last thing, these last few moments? Tomorrow he’d wake up and have to go back to the real world; tomorrow he’d have to brush off the memory of such strangely soft gentleness and the way it had felt, drifting in Adam’s arms. 

 

Tomorrow he’d have to laugh and let it go, just one more one-time scene in a long line of others.

 

Tomorrow. Not tonight. 

 

Tonight, he’d let himself have this feeling, as pathetic as it might make him. Tonight, he’d let himself pretend, just a little longer. 

 

Just for tonight.

 

Tomorrow would come soon enough.


	4. Chapter 4

That night at the club had been  _ days _ ago. Three whole days, and Sebastian still felt strange and stinging and  _ raw _ , like something about that night had stripped away whole layers of his skin, exposed him.

 

It was pathetic.  _ He _ was pathetic. And ridiculous. And probably coming down with a cold or something.

 

In fact, maybe he had a fever right now. That would explain a lot, like why he was spinning his phone round and round in his hands, trying and trying not to think about the new contact displayed on the screen, like why he was even  _ considering _ the idea.

 

He shouldn’t. Sure, Adam had given him his number, and sure, Adam had said to call, but it wasn’t like Adam had  _ meant _ it. It was just one of those  _ things _ tops did to be polite.  _ ‘Oh, yes, please feel free to call me and check in tomorrow _ .’  _ ‘Really, I love it when complete strangers call me all emotional and strange after we’ve had the kinky version of a one-night stand. It’s every top’s dream!’ _

 

Liars.

 

But…

 

Sebastian had never actually played before with a top who even  _ bothered _ with such a lie. And Adam’s eyes had been so strangely intense when he’d handed Sebastian’s phone back.

 

“Call me tomorrow,” he’d said. “Please. Let me know how you’re doing, if you need anything from me.” 

 

His eyes had stayed fixed on Sebastian’s the whole time, and he hadn’t let go of Sebastian’s hands when he handed the phone back.

 

“I mean it, Sebastian. I want to hear from you.”

 

He’d sounded so sincere, Sebastian had almost believed him.

 

“Promise me you’ll call?”

 

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Sebastian had blithely lied, fulfilling his part of the little act.

 

Adam hadn’t quite looked convinced; he’d stared hard at Sebastian for several long moments following before finally stepping back and giving Sebastian room to get in his car.

 

(“You’re sure you’re safe to drive?”

 

“ _ Yes _ , I’m sure.”

 

“Just be careful, alright?”

 

“Oh, but where’s the fun in  _ that _ ?”)

 

It was that look that Sebastian kept remembering now - that little half-frown and the tiny furrow in Adam’s brow.  He’d looked so…earnest. It was almost as though the man had  _ meant _ what he was saying, almost as though he actually was  _ worried _ , as though he actually  _ cared _ .

 

Which was ridiculous, of course. But…

 

He’d made Sebastian promise. And Sebastian had.

 

It’d been a total lie, of course, just another social nicety, and so Sebastian shouldn’t feel guilty at all for having completely disregarded it. It wasn’t like Adam actually had  _ wanted _ Sebastian to call, so there was no cause at all for the small sickening sense of shame tying his stomach into knots.

 

There was no reason for it. None.

 

So why did Sebastian keep flashing back to every small look of disappointment Adam had given him over the evening? Why did each memory make him want to shrink and squirm and shatter in apology?

 

Even if,  _ IF _ , Adam for some reason was off somewhere making that same resigned frown, like he’d expected nothing less of a brat like Sebastian and yet was disappointed all the same —

 

Why did Sebastian  _ care _ ?

 

_ “You don’t need to be scared,” _ Adam had said. His voice had been so gentle, so kind; it had cut like a knife.

 

Sebastian wasn’t fucking  _ scared _ , okay. He hadn’t been then and he certainly wasn’t now.

 

_ “Just let me take care of you,” _ Adam had said at the beginning of their negotiations, whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean.

 

_ “Promise me you’ll call _ .”

 

It hadn’t sounded like a lie.

 

Sebastian shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and hit  _ call _ .

 

“Adam? It’s, uh, Sebastian. From the club. On Saturday? You asked me to call.”

 

_ “Hello, Gorgeous, _ ” Adam’s voice crackled through the phone, and Sebastian could have sworn he could  _ hear _ Adam’s smile. _ “Took you long enough.” _

**Author's Note:**

> implements used: single-tail, cane, belt, hairbrush


End file.
